When you begin a new diet or workout regimen, people always say that you will be the last to notice the changes in your body. But mental health is the exact opposite. You always notice the changes in yourself first, and lately, I've been noticing a lot of changes within myself. While some are subtle, some are so big that I feel as if I'm becoming a whole different person, and at times, that can be very scary.
So many things that I've considered as personality traits are starting to slip away. In reality, these are actually character flaws. But I'm noticing that they are the primary things I had been using to describe myself, so now that I don't immediately associate these things with myself, I almost feel as if I'm missing a limb.
PERFECTIONIST
ANXIOUS
IMPATIENT
MOODY
OVER-SENSITIVE
COMPULSIVE
INSECURE
MELODRAMATIC
TIMID
In my journey to be the best me, I'm learning how to combat these things. I'm learning what I like about myself and what I don't... What is a strength vs a weakness... and what kind of person I want to be and what I don't want to be known for. But it also makes it seem like I'm becoming a whole new person and losing my full, previously-established self identity. Even though these skins that I'm shedding are things that I shouldn't want to be described with, these things took up so much of my time and head space, that it blurred the lines between who I was and who I could be without the flaws.
As we grow up, the primary sources of our personality are based on who we are around and what our surroundings are. We take little habits and traits from those we love - our parents, siblings, friends, etc. We tend to mimic the kind of people that they are. We stash away behaviors that we have seen and use them as a reference when we are in similar situations. It's a very organic process. But now that I'm remaking myself, I'm getting to hand-select the traits that I want to keep, focus on, fine-tune, and strengthen. It's the most I have ever taken the time to really know and understand myself.
Now that I'm stripping away the negatives, I'm left with a clearer picture of who I am at my core... and I've gotta say... I like her. She's strong, she's vocal about what she needs and wants, she puts herself first, lets herself laugh, and feel, and smile, and cry. And you know what else? I'M HAPPY.
If you see me and you're noticing changes in me, point them out. Whether they are good or bad, I want to be aware of how I'm presenting myself. Because I can change. Where there's a will, there's a way.
