I used to hate this saying. I thought it was so passive. I couldn't help but roll my eyes whenever I heard it. But for the last couple of weeks, I've been saying it at least once a day. So I spent some (see: MANY) hours mentally breaking it down. And here's what I got...
First, I was like "what does the saying even mean?" You’re essentially just saying WHATEVER. It’s an acceptance of defeat, resignation. You're just throwing your hands up... giving up. “It is what it is” is simply a way to evade making any true effort in a conversation or contribute anything remotely important. It's just throwing in the towel, as if you don't care enough to fight for what you want to say, to state your case, or to formulate an opinion. It's lazy. It's a cop-out.
When I've been using it lately, it has been about things that are out of my control. The loss of a friendship, assignments at work that were mandated down to me, having to unexpectedly drop money on new tires, my laptop crashing, or the time I ordered food delivery to my hotel and wasn't given silverware and was therefore forced to eat my pasta with a straw...
I think what I meant in all of these situations wasn't so much "it is what it is" but that it was actually more in depth and complex than that. Once I looked at each situation, I was totally right - saying that was the simple and quick, easy way out.
Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do, and by sometimes, I mean ALL THE DANG TIME. Did I want my five day Easter vacation to turn into three weeks away from home? NO. But was it out of my control? YES. I didn't get a choice in the matter, but I could change how I responded to the situation, which was to make the best of it. It wasn't "it is what it is" but more of "it will be what you make of it". I focused on the positives: adventures, checking a new state off my bucket list, eating lots of good food, meeting some pretty great people, and getting paid to travel.... All of these things made being away from home for so long a little more tolerable.
In the case of a lost friendship, I think the more appropriate phrase was actually "I'm done forcing things. From now on, it is what it is", meaning that I'm no longer chasing people. I won't beg someone to be in my life that doesn't want to. I'm not going to defend myself towards someone who thinks ill of me... I know I'm a good person with good intentions, and I have plenty of people in my life that think that too, so I would rather fill my time with those people instead.
Sometimes we don't need explanations.... It simple just is what it is. This is my new motto for bad days. If you think about it, when we're sick with either a headache or a stomachache, we don't always know the reason. Sure, food poisoning is obvious... the flu is a dead giveaway, but there are truly days when you are just off physically. When it comes to mental health, I always tried to force myself to know why I wasn't feeling well. Was I sad? Was I disappointed? What was the cause? But you know what? It's the same as physical health, spent days we are just off... Not feeling right mentally. And that's ok. Honestly, the more time I spent trying to get to the bottom of things, the worse it made me feel. When you sit down and list out everything that could be making you feel negative, you can come up with quite a long list... so I nixed it. No more lists. I don't want to give power to my negative emotions, but rather accept them, and then move on. It is what it is - a bad mood, that will go away, just like every other time.
Basically, when I looked at these situations more in depth, what I realized was that if I calmed down and allowed myself to be a little bit less of a control freak, then I would accept things a hell of a lot easier and without so much stress and hassle. I was able to make the best out of non-ideal situations and find a way to enjoy myself despite the circumstances I was in. It's amazing how much more time you have for things you enjoy when you spend less time worrying about things that are outside of your control. I've learned that stress is not something that happens to us, rather it is our response to something that happens, and we have complete control over our responses to things. I'm officially adding that to my list of "rules to live by".
