When I found you, I lost myself.
I was lifted off my feet. Heels over head. Everything was new again but different. I saw a kindred spirit in you and gravitated like a moth to a flame. You were gentle with a tough exterior but let me see your pink middle. You didn’t hold back and you were sensitive and shared your insecurities. You earned my friendship and my caring heart. I got so wrapped up that I didn’t see the caution lights. You gave me advice and a different outlook on life. You were fun and energetic and everything I needed to jolt my soul awake. You turned to me for guidance and understanding. We bonded and before we knew it, I floated away from shore.
We were graceful and unforced.
I was so intertwined, knowing it couldn’t be forever, but my guard was down before I even had a chance to put it up. Everything came so easily with you. Conversations with you were endless and time was never enough. We were both different people but to each other we were the same. Unfiltered. All our faults known and aspirations spoken.
The time took its toll but by then the habit and desire was far too strong. Like a recovering addict I itched for that natural high you gave me. And I know I gave it to you, too.
Months went by and many sleepless nights. Too many abused drinks and dialed calls, but never brought to life.
I know I’m not alone.
I know you felt it too.
I lost myself in you, did you lose yourself too?
Reeling in, I see how dumb and childlike I was. I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I was in control. But instead I was completely out of control.
Now I am trying to find me. But I know I can never be the same. I am changed. I am scarred. I am barren.
Maybe that’s ok. Maybe that gives me a blank slate. Maybe I can learn and live wiser.
I am glad to have loved and lost rather than to not have done so at all. To know a bond such as ours could exist. However, there is a dark cloud that follows me everywhere. I will use that and grow and remember, I gave my all. Blindly. Selflessly. Too quickly. Naively.
I will find me.
A new me.
A better me.
A more guarded me and a better trusting me.
I won’t let this take my light.
I lost you, but I will find me.
-Written by anonymous