Balance is a simple concept. Except that it’s less simple when it comes to execution.
As I’m nearing my 30s, I finally feel like I’m in a place in life where I am learning that it’s ok to put myself first. It hasn’t been easy. I feel selfish, guilty, and uncomfortable. In my quest to treat my mind, body, and soul like it deserves, I have been seeing a therapist, which is something I never thought I would do. But let me tell ya, these people know their stuff! It’s truly amazing what a non-biased perspective will do for you.
I am very blessed to work for a very progressive, modern company that works hard to provide its employees with the flexibility needed to have a healthy work/home balance. I used to think this just meant time; time to get your work done, time to go to doctor’s appointments, and take vacations, but it is so much more than that. The mental balance is the biggest part. My company realizes that even the day to day stresses of your job can weigh you down, and they offer an excellent Employee Assistance Program that allows us to reach out to local career counselors to help us navigate through our work stressors. Career counselors are basically a therapist who focuses on your work-related issues, which if you're an over-worked perfectionist like myself, you have a lot of.
I'm sure you know how it is - when your spouse comes home needing to vent about their day, and you just can't relate. You hear the same thing day in and day out and you don't know how to help. That is what a career counselor is for. You know when you get a really upsetting email and it takes all of your energy to not shoot off a snotty response? No? Just me? Do you ever wish you could read your response to someone and make sure it's appropriate and professional? That is what a career counselor is for.
The ironic part of me writing this is that I am sitting in my hotel room, out of town on a work trip, behind in my regular work duties, and instead of working on them now, I'm writing about how I'm still struggling to balance the aspects of my life. I have no one to blame except for myself. Except that isn't true..... I say that because it's the easiest thing to say. It's easier to blame it on myself - to blame it on me being poor at time management (I'M NOT) or on me procrastinating (I only do that when it comes to laundry) or by telling myself to be grateful for these work opportunites rather than to complain.
But as I talked to a friend earlier today about how much work has been piled on my plate this week, as well as the past two months and the upcoming weeks, she said it seemed like a lot - like too much for one person to do. She thought it seemed impossible. And my response was "Well, I often ask for more work to do"... as if that doesn't mean I can complain? As if that doesn't mean I still have limits? I've tried so hard to be the yes man that I struggle to say no.
I tend to give my full energy to things, which often means that singularly-focused. Sometimes it's small things. If you are connected with me on Facebook, you may have seen me post that last year I read a total of 50 books, but this year I've struggled to ready 13 out of my 15 book goal. What has filled my time? Well, the first thing that comes to mind is some very serious tv show binges... but also, I've started hanging out with friends on week days, something I don't normally do. I've been trying so hard to push myself out of my comfort zone - which is generally me in bed by 7 or 8 pm, reading a book, cuddling with my pup. But, I can't live in bed forever. For one, it's uncomfortable. For two, I thrive off of human interaction, and fictional characters from a book or a show just aren't enough.
I think we can all agree that our give and take fluctuates due to many factors. I often get frustrated with myself when I feel like I'm mis-managing my time or when I let myself get (easily) overwhelmed by everything going on in my life. I would never expect someone else to work at a constant full throttle. I would encourage my husband, friends, family members to speak up for themselves, to ask for help when needed, to not bite off more than they can chew, and to just do their best.
It reminds me of a quote I saw on a professor's door in college twice a week for four years.... "Do what you can do, and then you've done what you can do." I think I might print that out and tape it on my mirror as a constant reminder. It's not about doing more or about doing less, it's about doing what I can do - without stress-induced crying, without 12 hour work days, without retreating into a major cleaning spiral while ignoring what actually needs to be done, and not saying "eff it all" and going shopping (a bad habit I'm really trying to break.) Instead in these moments, I'm learning to challenge myself to have grace and to cut myself a break. After all, I've earned it.
