In last week's blog, I talked a bit about burning bridges... And it tends to happen in life, not longer after, I stumbled across this quote:
"You really don't have to burn any bridges to let go... you don't have to destroy anything. You can just decide to cross over and move on." -Marta Mrotek
I think that has been what my hesitation stems from... Hesitation, that is, to end relationships that no longer serve me. I definitely cut cords with the people who were really disrupting my vision for what I wanted in life, but there have been some stragglers... and I think the reason why is because I haven't wanted to deal with the mess of it.... Sitting down, telling that person how you feel, fighting, arguing, crying... whatever goes into the big "ending". I don't even want to put forward the energy to end a friendship in that way. But maybe I don't have to?
Maybe there's something in between a major blow up and ghosting someone. Maybe that's what Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin meant when they said they were choosing to consciously uncouple. They didn't want to fight, they didn't want to choose a bad guy and a good guy and lay blame, they just wanted to separate.
But is there an opposite of that? What is it called when things just fizzle and you just drift apart? There's no big event. There's no final straw. No argument, no crying... Just... space...
That's happened with a few people in my life. And it's been fine... sort of...
One of the people will still tell you that we are best friends... but that the reason we don't talk as much or see each other as much is because we are "busy". I call bullshit. Everyone is busy. I don't have free time - but I make time - to spend with the people who are important. The fact that she doesn't reciprocate that at all, ever, showed me what I needed to know. I wasn't a priority. She doesn't care enough to make time for me.
Or there's the friend who I grew up with. Literally my entire life. Who I haven't talked to in months, who said something very terrible and doesn't even know that I know... I know - I just don't have the energy to tell her that what she said will forever tarnish our relationship. I don't have the heart to acknowledge the fall-out. It's too big, it's too much. I don't want to have that talk, have that fight, because I know that once I do, I can't take it back.
Even worse than that? The friend who doesn't even know that we're distant... It's just a giant elephant in the room whenever we talk, which isn't often. I don't share anything under surface level with her, and yet she acts like our friendship is rewarding and deep. How do you not notice that someone you used to talk about life's problems with now only talks to you about tv and movies? I guess sometimes distance shows you who's worth keeping and who you should let go of. And I got that message loud and clear.
I'm not doubting that these are friendships that hold no value and that I should let go of, but I just don't know how. Quietly? With no explanation? Do I write a letter? Send a text message? Is there such a thing as un-consciously uncoupling? Which is worse? I really don't know... All I do know, is that I have to shed some dead weight to keep climbing this mountain.
